last weekend my parents were in town for a cousin's wedding.  while i had to drive them around all weekend and spend many idle moments with relatives and family friends, it was a fun time all-around.  lots of food, lots of smiling for cameras, and lots of 'you're next, right'?

my cousin married a korean guy.  seems like quite the trend in my family - the last 3 cousins' weddings i've attended were all chinese/korean.  though this one was the first female cousin to marry korean, and was also the first time where i got to see my relatives partake in all the korean traditions.  it was all rather amusing - my relatives looked completely lost since none of the ceremonies were rehearsed, and half the time the groom's relatives were speaking korean.  but everyone seemed to have fun and it was nice seeing the respect and appreciation given for both sides of the families. 

the topic of korean/chinese and interracial relationships is a common one in asian-american circles.  i'm sure we all know some of the stereotypes for idealized pairings, so i won't repeat them here.  instead, i was curious whether there existed factual data or studies on pan-asian/interracial unions.  doing the usual google searches, i found a site that provides census numbers on asian-american marriages.  some of the more interesting numbers:

• for all ethnic groups, asian females marry endogamously (within their own ethnicity) at a lower percentage than males (e.g. chinese males 64.5%, females 54.8%).
• the rate for korean-american females marrying endogamously is particularly low (38.9%) as compared to other ethnic groups (e.g. chinese 54.8%, japanese 56.2%).
• chinese-american males have the highest percentage (11%) for marrying asian but not endogamously.
• filipino-american males have the highest marriage rate with caucasian females (30.5%).  this is considerably higher than other groups (e.g. chinese 20.8%, korean 7.8%).

the site provides some theories to explain these numbers.   i definitely don't agree with some of the explanations (e.g. asian females wanting to marry whites to increase social status) but it's interesting to see the numerical data back-up or contradict some of my own personal observations. 

what city would you most like to live in?

i've been been out of town the last two weekends in row.  i had a restful thanksgiving break in boston with family, followed by a weekend trip to los angeles for a mini-reunion with some old bay area friends.  i enjoyed each weekend immensely for opposite reasons - one for its placid time of tranquility with loved ones, and the other for its two nights of wild debauchery and tomfoolery.  you can guess which was which.    

anytime i travel, thoughts of living in another locale creep into my mind.  i've moved many times before, so the idea of moving is nothing new.  and having lived in the bay area for over four years now, feelings of restlessness and boredom have started to hang over my head.  while significant time in one place usually creates inseperable bonds and a feeling of contentment, it's had the opposite effect on me.  you'd think i'd become weary of movement and change, but instead i've become weary of routine and repetition.  i still thrive on the newness of things, whether it be from people, places, or opportunities.  not surprisingly, weekends out of town present opportunities to experience plenty of things anew.

realistically i won't be going anywhere anytime soon.  i recently changed jobs and still have a variety of commitments in the area.  and i do love life in the bay area - i just won't let myself admit it sometimes.  regardless, my time in boston and los angeles has made me reflect on what i like or dislike about each city, and think about the qualities that attract me to certain places.

if i do wind up anywhere, it'd probably be one of 6 areas, 4 of which i've already lived in - boston, chicago, los angeles, new york, san fran, or washington dc.  needless to say i like large metropolitan areas, particulary cities of global importance.  for my own amusement, i've put together a comparision chart of each area.  a plus means the city does well in that category, a minus not too well, and a plus/minus is somewhere in the middle.  as always, these are merely my own baseless viewpoints, so feel free to correct any blanket statements or foolish perceptions i may share. 

a quick rundown/interpretation of this chart:

cultural:  pretentious yuppie stuff like museums, symphonies, restaurants, etc.  i tend to like cities with an abundance of all of these, hence the + ratings on all 6.  if i were to rank the cities, new york would come out of on top with the others all being pretty similar in standing.  it's not like i go out to san fran every week to eat out and visit some cultural institution, but it's great to have so many options to do so.  in all these cities, you've got world-class performers and institutions at your fingertips, not to mention endless culinary options. 

intellectual:  the intellectualism of the area.  note that this doesn't necessarily mean how smart people are, but rather how intellectually curious they are - i.e. do they seek to expand and understand their own knowledge of the world.  boston, dc, and new york all do well here.  sf is great as well, but the south bay brings down an area that is otherwise liberally enlightening.  i'm not claiming to be a die-hard intellectual myself - my shallow and insipid posts already reveal that.  but i am inspired by people who can think globally, constantly explore new ideas and thoughts, and apply such knowledge to their own lives in a tangible way. 

physical:  the natural environment of the area.  basically this is where i consider the weather.  if it were just the physical architecture and beauty of a city, los angeles would come in last and all the others would do fine.  but in terms of weather and nature, the west coast can't be beat.

social:  social factors like nightlife, number of friends in the area, attractiveness of females, etc.  how much 'fun' i might have in each area.  no doubt i could find good friends in each area and have a great time, but for whatever reason certain cities just seem to have more going on, or at least more activites that would attract someone like myself.  i was often pretty bored in both chicago and dc.  sf gets a plus/minus since i live in the incredibly dull south bay.  granted my experiences in los angeles and new york are from a limited sample, but i always have a blast in those cities.  it also seems like every friend from the bay area who's moved to los angeles is now hooked up with a 5'7 beauty.  now that i think of it, what am i doing in the bay area.

other: there are plenty of other factors, which i've lopped into an 'other' column.  boston, new york, and chicago all get pluses for their public transportation systems since i hate driving.  conversely, los angeles and san francisco get minuses for the need to drive eveywhere, almost excessively.  boston also gets a plus for being my hometown and where my family lives.  san francisco also gets a minus for it's exorbitant real estate costs, while chicago gets a plus for its reasonable costs.  new york gets a minus for its high rents and cost of living.  no real other factors for dc, hence the plus/minus.

you'll notice from the chart that new york does particularly well, with chicago and dc lagging.  but such a deduction is too simple to make; i do love each of these locations, in ways that a simple chart of pluses and minuses can't possibly reveal.  i could see myself in any of these cities; only time will tell where i eventually do end up.

my high school 10th reunion was this past friday.  since i have yet to marry a model or become a billionaire, i did not attend. 

i've mentioned this numerous time before, but i absolutely hated high school.  hate is a strong word, but i do not hesitate to use it when it comes to my high school experience.  i still have dreams to this day where i'm still in high school, wondering why the heck i'm still there. 

it's not like i was a social pariah - i was never bullied or disrespected in any overt manner.  people were friendly, they treated me well, and i was respected and well-known for both academic and extra-curricular reasons.  nor was i ever unfairly passed over for awards or recognition.  indeed, i was chosen by peers into a number of leadership positions which might otherwise be reserved for those more popular.

so why all the bitterness?  blame it on a sense of loss.  high school should be some of the more memorable years of one's life, yet mine were pathetically dull.  even though i did well in high school from a college application perspective, i never felt truly part of a social community.  perhaps it was due to excess pride and arrogance - i couldn't accept my lack of acceptance in the 'popularity' structures of my class.  in a nutshell, i was popular, but not really popular - everyone knew me and respected me academically, but that didn't mean they were going to invite me to their parties.  and forget about dating - there were no asian females in my class and only a few asian males, so minority stereotypes presented formidable barriers.  this didn't mean i couldn't have friends or couldn't date - just that i would have to hang out or date less popular people.  being very prideful and immature, that's not something i could let myself do.  if i couldn't be friends with the pretty or popular people, i wasn't going to have any friends at all.   

so in a way you could say my future personality was affected a great deal by my high school years, in both positive and negative ways.  my sister and i always joke about how we were traumatized by our high school and became socially awkward as a result.  if nothing else, high school probably didn't allow my natural social skills to be futher developed.  but you could also say the opposite, that my trials of youth allowed me to grow and mature in certain ways.  i sometimes think that if i went to a more fun or socially accepting high school, i might be more confident and outgoing, but conversely more obnoxious and arrogant.  instead, my high school years gave me humbling perspectives on concepts of popularity, what it means to be a friend, and what we all seek in terms of inclusion in a community. 

a fateful event occurred at age seven that would forever change the
course of my life - my family moved from the comfortable abodes of
virginia to the liberal confines of boston.  how did this event
change the direction of my life?  perhaps it contributed to my
social development in a certain manner.  maybe it gave me a
broader range of academic opportunities.  and surely it placed me
in contact with individuals who would forever impact the rest of my
life.  but above all else, this migration to the northeast
created in me a boston sports fan, tried and true.  okay, maybe
not above all else, but it sure feels like that right now.

at age seven i had few sports allegiances, but that was soon to
change after moving to beantown.  with little direct effort
from myself, each team eventually overtook my affection and
devotion.  good times or bad, boston is a hotbed of sports action,
so there are few conversations that don't get back to the topic of
the red sox, patriots, celtics, or bruins.  as an easily
impressionable child, it didn't take long for me to join the
bandwagon in 1986, perhaps the singular most incredible sports
year for any one city.  in that year
alone, the bruins made the nhl playoffs, the new
england patriots made an unlikely run to the super bowl, the celtics
won their unprecedented 16th nba championship, and of course,
the red sox experienced a heartbreaking collapse in the
world series.  it was easy to get caught up in
the overflowing pride and passion of boston sports
fans. 

with the celtics being dominant through the 80's and the patriots
reaching 'dynasty' levels in recent years, the red sox remained the one
team characterized more for its failures than its successes.  the
lengthy world series drought, the so-called curse of the bambino, and
the countless seasons of disappointment - all this and more created a
culture of such mythic lore, not only within boston sports circles
but also throughout the national media.  the context of time and
history only added to the misery experienced year after year.

i've suffered first-hand nearly twenty years of red sox
disappointment, but i'm a mere newbie member of red sox
nation, a sports fandom that spreads across ages and
generations.  i appreciate the history and culture of boston
sports outside of my own lifetime, and realize that my pain and
suffering is shared by many.  generations of fans have come
before me, having gone through plenty more devastating moments than the
ones i've personally experienced.  indeed, bill simmons refers to a remarkable 50+ page thread on sons of sam horn,
where fans across red sox nation posted an unending series of
eulogies and remembrances, honoring all those past and present who
sacrificed their time and devotion to the beloved boston red sox. 
all of this might seen quite excessive for a mere sports team, but this
is no ordinary sports team we're talking about here.  no
doubt boston sports fans love to talk of their historical significance
(or amazing insignificance), perhaps to an extent that surely
becomes repetitive or sickening to those outside boston
circles.  but when you follow the red sox, you come to
understand why.

of course, all of this has now changed.  the red sox, after 86
years of disappointment, are world series champs once again.  we
now have nothing to complain about; we're just like any other
team.  i don't know even know how to feel or react.  at least
if i were in boston i could go drinking, go partying, or simply go nuts
in the streets.  even after the last out i wanted to do something. 
but alas, i'm stuck in the apathetic sports world of silicon
valley.  so for now i'll just sit back and simply enjoy the
moment, taking pleasure in not only my own happiness, but also the
glee of my fellow brethren in red sox nation.  we all feel each other's pain, and now we revel in each other's celebrations.

the curse is o-vah.  time to party like it's 1918.

i had a friendly disagreement recently over the definition of a 'second cousin' - it's something i wasn't clear about myself until not too long ago.  if you were wondering as well, here's a chart that helps you determine how you and someone else in your extended family is related (taken from www.genealogy.com):

1. pick two people in your family and figure out which ancestor they have in common. for example, if you chose yourself and a cousin, you would have a grandparent in common.
2. look at the top row of the chart and find the first person's relationship to the common ancestor.
3. look at the far left column of the chart and find the second person's relationship to the common ancestor.
4. determine where the row and column containing those two relationships meet.

since so many asians in the united startes are first and second-generation americans, few of us have met any relatives beyond our grandparents and their descendants.  i always wonder if any of my grandparents' siblings have families over here - if so, there could potentially be a large number of people that i might be related to and not even realize it.  while this doesn't really mean a whole lot, it'd be kind of cool to find out who these people are, and even cooler (or weirder) if it included anyone i knew already. 

beyond my own line of aunts and uncles and cousins, there is only one line of extended relatives here in the u.s. that my family has kept in contact with - my mom's aunt (my grandaunt, or gu-puo) and her descendants.  they're an interesting and diverse family - within this line i have a second cousin who's a korean adoptee, another second cousin who's hapa, and a second cousin, once removed who's an adoptee from guatemala.  this is also the line that's supposedly connected to amy tan in some distant way - i don't know the exact connection but it's something to the effect of a relative of amy tan marrying one of my grandaunt's husband's relatives.  which would make me absolutely nothing.

from just one of my grandparent's siblings, there are so many interesting individuals and stories.  who knows what else i could find out about my other relatives?  i've considered putting together some sort of family genealogy, obviously not for any practical purpose but simply for knowledge and legacy's sake.  like any second-generation asian trying to get in touch with their culture, i'd love to gain enough information to make a trip back to the mainland and see where my parents were born and where their families lived for centuries.  of course, it's hard to find such data beyond the head-knowledge of family.  grandparents are key, but since all but one of mine have passed away, the sources of data are even more limited.  regardless, it's something i'd like to pursue if only time and energy would permit.

for now, i can only keep my eyes open for anyone who shares my surname.  while my english last name is not uncommon, i have yet to meet anyone with the same chinese surname as myself who isn't related to me.  so if you or anyone you know has the chinese surname 'ji' (season), let me know - we're probably second cousins or something.

this is too funny:

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i'll write some thoughts on this later...

i'm currently watching when harry met sally on amc's dvd tv.  my church is also showing the film this friday night as a part of a 'ladies night', so no better time to write about one of my favorite films than now.  while it shames me as a male to admit to liking this film, i can only appreciate this movie more as i watch it again for the gazillionth time.  you know a movie is something special when you enjoy watching it more and more as time passes.   

so many romantic comedies, or films for that matter, are driven by contrived scenarios over a finite time period.  while this makes for good hollywood entertainment, it often lacks realism; it's not every day we meet millionaires, movie stars, or members of royalty, let alone fall in love with them in a matter of days.  real life, at least for myself, doesn't work that way.  as much as we'd all like a hollywood romance, most of us simply wonder if we'll ever meet our soulmates or if we've even met them already.  the mundanity of our own lives drives us mad, but it's these simple events and relationships that make our own hearts sink or swim.

when harry met sally revels in a twelve-year span of time between two relatively 'normal' characters.   normal by hollywood standards, at least - both are appealing and flawed in their own particular ways, but neither are amazingly rich, powerful, or attractive.  both could be people we all actually know, and considering harry and sally went to the university of chicago, i can especially believe this.  from an age standpoint, the movie follows a path parallel to my own - right now, i'm at the same age harry and sally get out of serious relationships.  which gives me and all the other single people my age hope - it's another five years after my current age that harry and sally finally do hook up. 

while harry and sally's friendship hardly typify all relationships, the relative normalcy of their lifestyles and the development of their relationship over an extended period of time parallels experiences in our own lives.  the key word here is relationship.  their conversations, their experiences, their ups, their downs - together these shared relations contribute to build inseperable bonds of love and appreciation.  over time, the same traits that start as flaws become sources of endearment.  it's a credit to rob reiner and nora ephron that they're able to squeeze a ten-plus year history of a relationship into a single film in both a believable and entertaining fashion.

in summary, when harry met sally is perhaps the ultimate romantic comedy for all of us who wonder how we'll ever find our soulmate.  unlike hollywood or storybook formula, the film isn't based on a notion of 'love at first sight', but rather a more realistic love that develops over time between friends who ultimately understand and care more about each other than anyone else in the world.

the final verdict: i accepted a management position with a privately-held wireless startup in santa cruz.  yes, santa cruz.  still local, yet so far away.  close enough that it's within commuting distance, but far enough away that i might have to move.  for now, we'll see if i can deal with the daily winding drives through the mountains.  the drive is somewhat reminiscent of a car commercial, minus the quiet engine and smooth handling - i can already tell my car will struggle with the upward climbs.  

for all of my talk about doing something 'different', that's all it was - just talk.  i guess once i thew my resume around and started getting calls, my ego started getting in the way.  i'm still too easily influenced by worldly needs - the flattering feeling of being wanted and the lucrative call of salary and stock options appealed too much to my base desires of stability and acceptance.  with the added burdens of a longer commute and greater job responsibility, my pursuit of outside hobbies and interests will again be temporarily muted.

regardless, i am excited by the new opportunity.  i desperately needed a change, even if it's not as dramatic as i may have originally planned.  there are still plenty of 'news' - new position, new industry, new locale, perhaps even new ministry opportunities.  and for the first time in my life, i'll be near beaches.  maybe i should pick up surfing.  at the very least, more incentive to work on that non-existent six-pack. 

would you rather be a nobody that makes a lot of money, or a somebody that makes no money? 

as some of you know i experience a number of physiological anomalies when it comes to sleep.  for those of you that don't know why i can share at a later point, or you can just ask me in person sometime.  in the meantime, i wanted to write about one of the more interesting and frightening symptoms i experience - something that the science and medical world calls 'hypnnagogic hallucinations,' often referred to as waking dreams or night terrors.  this is not something uncommon - many people with and without sleep disorders have had these hallucinatory experiences at some point in their lives.  i just have them all the time.  as the terms describe, these hallucinations are vivid, frightening dreams that occur at the onset of REM sleep, while the body is close to sleep but the mind is still conscious.  pretty much i start dreaming while i'm still awake.  for a simple overview of what's occuring during these phenomena, read this nice description.

the first time i remember having one of these hallucinations i was absolutely freaked out.  it was the summer after my junior year of high school, while i was away from home at a pre-college summer program.   one evening i wake up in the middle of the night and find my roommate staring directly at me.  he's mumbling incomprehensible gibberish, and begins to repeatedly hit my forehead with his pointed finger.  during this entire time i can't move my body; i find myself completey frozen in a state of paralysis.  this occurs for about 10-15 seconds until i 'snap' out of the paralysis, only to see myself in my dark room with no roommate in sight.  i look over and see my roommate soundly asleep in his bed.   completely bewildered, i wake up my roommate who tells me he's been asleep the entire time. 

later on i would be able to attribute this occurence and others like it to physiological reasons.  these same reasons have also been used to explain other real-world mysteries - a lot of out-of-body and UFO abduction experiences are also attributed to hypnagogic hallucinations.  luckily i have no alien abduction stories, but i have experienced a wide range of visual imagery.  most commonly i hear (or more accurately, think i hear) sounds like voices, ringing phones, creaking doors, etc.  another common experience is the feeling of being pinned down upon my bed, with an unseen pressure or force pressing upon my chest and abdomen.  less commonly i see large, physical objects, such as the experience described earlier.  the physical imagery during similar episodes has included amorphous faces and bodies, and to a more frightening extreme, angels and demons.  thankfully each of these experiences are always brief - they typically last no longer than a minute. 

despite my knowlege of the medical reasons, i sometimes wonder if there's anything more spiritual or psychological going on.  the simple fact that i see images or hear voices that are spiritual in nature is freaky enough.  such hallucinations considerably differ from any normal dreams i have - they often deeply affect my consciousness in a chilling and fear-inducing manner.  the mind in mid-sleep or a semi-counscious state will think strange things but there are multiple times where i've woken from these hallucinations actually thinking i've been changed to the core in some substantial manner (i.e. that i've experienced some sort of change or inner transformation).  but for better or for worse, nothing ever becomes of any of it.